shaluski

 I had this real urge on 2 successive occasions, to proclaim to him that I cared for him, that I love him. It's a huge dilemma for me, since he won't be back until 2 yrs later. A long distance r/ship would be a burden to him, so I didn't want to tell him. He also didn't have a good experience from the last LDR.I could sense his loneliness and his want of companionship. I wanted to reach out to him, so much... I wanted so much to tell him I wanted to be by his side... But I couldn't. The distance between us is so great.

Because of this, I feel unsettled and troubled. Will I get a chance? Even if I do, it seems doomed.

:(

Sigh... sigh... sigh...

I have so much to do!!! Wished there were more hours in a day. Even though I am working at zooming speed, but I still have so many issues to resolve. Sometimes it is overwhelming. I can't do so many things well... >_

Gosh I feel so tired and drained. Have felt like giving up so many times. With an exponential amount of things in my intray but only a constant amount of output, things can get overwhelming at times. Issues are piling up. I want to do so much, but I can only do so much. I have my limitations!

Am sick again. Took 2 days of MC last week, and sore throat is still there. It doesn't help when I have to talk all day. It's due to this job that I don't talk much after work or during weekends. It's so tiring to do it for 8 hours a day, non-stop.

And it's a mess at work. Problems seem to pop up 24 hours a day. It can be overwhelming. Need to tell myself to relax.

To keep myself sane, I look forward to my Jiu Zhai Gou trip which is going to happen on 15th May. Will try to settle all outstanding issues at work. And I have to study too! How wonderful is that?!?

Feeling extremely stretched... I don't know when I'll burst.

I went for class today. It is the second session for clinical pharmacy practice and we had to present our cases. Having spent the whole last night preparing for it, I was quite exhausted during class but managed to overcome it with copius amount of Lipton tea. The presentation went well, and we had a good discussion. I learnt quite a lot from the classes today.

Exams will be in the 3rd week of June. It was then that I realised how fast the semester is going by, and that I have not been reading up on my notes consistently. I have assignments to do also. Really have to get down to study.

It's presentation after presentation for me. The plus point is that they are all spaced out, and I made sure they were, if not I wouldn't be able to cope. There are lots of items in my agenda and I have never felt so busy before!

Coupled with a new work environment, I hope I'll be able to handle all these.

Just learnt that I'm an ENFJ. What a surprise. I guess people do change when they grow older. I used to be classified as ISTJ a long time ago when I did the personality test. Do people change drastically over a few years' time?

It's been a long time since I posted anything.

Work has been tough. I seem to be going in the opposite direction. It's hard to verbalise and I feel obliged to do what others expect of me even though it is not what I want. For this I am not very sure of what I would do about this.

Just read a book, 'A New You'. It's quite an inspiring book. It kept my enthusiasm and optimism up for days. However, I don't think it can sustain it for a long time, as the book rightly said that for a long term change, aim for constant small and consistent changes. I must remember this.

Feeling very lonely. It's not just being alone. It's a feeling of emptiness. Ever since he left. Before him, I didn't know what it was like to have loved and lost, but now I do, so the emptiness is chronic. It's not so bad when I'm busy, but it is felt when I am alone. I often wonder when the one will appear. Perhaps I shouldn't hope for too much...

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The changes at work are just astounding. With so many people away, the feelings of insecurity and uncertainty is looming in the background. I don't even know what I'll be dabbling in the next few months, but chances are that it will stay the status quo first, till the new pharmacists come in and are able to hold the fort.

But when they come in, some will go out. It's a matter of when. One is confirmed getting out once the new pharmacists come in. Also its been a trend that pharmacists who have just given birth would switch to locuming, part-time or switch jobs. That, I am very apprehensive about.

Coupled with that, the inpatient pharmacists might be totally quitting the clinics, leaving the outpatients pharmacists to share the clinic loads. Sometimes, I just want to laugh at the pathetic-ness of it all. The number of outpatient pharmacists who are permanent staff? Only 4. 2 of which have only 1 years' experience. One is at maternity.

Sigh. I'll see how things unfold.

Finally I am having a long weekend of 3 days to enjoy, after a long period of working continually.

I must say that the drama serials on channel 8 are getting better, melodramatic and interesting. There was this show about 2 pilots who are close friends vying for the same gal's love. The first pilot actually knew the gal first but due to some misunderstanding, the gal broke up with him, got to know his best friend (the other pilot) and got married to the second guy. As melodramas all go, the second guy found out of her previous relationship with the first guy. Hence this complicated triangle relationship. He doubted her love for him, and there was this point where he wanted her to make a decision between the 2 guys while he flew to Rome, so that the gal could make a better decision in his absence. But in the end, he was killed by a car crash in Rome while trying to save a child. The gal actually already made a decision to choose her husband, but she was too late.

It was so melodramatic and sad.

Anyway, talking about happier things. Last weekend, I asked my sisters out and we had a fun day dressing up, taking neoprints and shopping for clothes! Wow. It's been so long since I did this with my sisters. The last time I went out with them was to the Birdpark, which was another fun experience. We have decided to do that again, and that will be tomorrow.

Saturday I went out with Marc :) Today I went out with my friends. Its been a long time since I went out with them. We went to karaoke!!! It rocks! I really miss my friends. And I miss going out with my sisters/parents. I miss just hanging loose at home with my family. And to dear Marc, if you're reading this, I do miss you too. Being super-nostalgic now. Maybe it's the christmas season, that's why.

You Are An Independent Girlfriend!

Whoa, Ms. Independent! Your guy digs your modern style... But he's sometimes left to wonder if you really like him. Keep that unique spirit, but show him your love a bit more often. No worries - you're light years away from smothering him!